I have come a very long way in my fitness journey over the past four years. Starting in December of 2020 I quit drinking and I started making better food choices. My workouts became a focal point of my week and I look better than ever. I’m strong, healthy, fit and capable of doing pretty much any physical activity that is asked of me. I love feeling the way I feel, looking the way I look, and generally being in excellent health.
And yet the past couple of months I have felt a backslide. The stress of the past year has caught up to me and I find I have less drive to physically challenge myself. I still go to the gym and lift extremely heavy things, but the passion I was bringing to it is lacking. Once I get there I fucking love it once more – it’s getting out the door that’s the problem. Even more so is my crumbling of boundaries when it comes to food. Over the past several years I have carefully built up a mindset of thoughtful food choices, which not only helped my health and waistline but also my budget. These days anything goes, and I’m hiding behind the guise of “it’s the holidays!” or “it’s been a rough day!”
I can’t think of anything that would make me feel worse than if I were to slip back to my old slovenly self. I hated myself then. I hated looking at myself in the mirror. I hated wearing clothes around other people and was so self-conscious it was painful. I have an excellent relationship with food and healthy habits now, but I need a gentle reminder of what those are. I don’t stress about food in the slightest, though I’ve become a pretty mindless consumer of sweets. I don’t need to be ironclad in my decisions, or completely cut anything out. I do need to get back on the horse for my own mental health and pride.
I am running a marathon in May, which will help to push me past anything I’ve ever done physically or mentally. Personally I much prefer strength training over endurance but this will be an interesting experience. It’s not something I can do without a solid training plan in place and the drive to follow through with it. Thankfully several friends are doing it with me, so that’s built in accountability. I’m not worried about getting the physical work done – more of a concern is that I won’t be feeding myself appropriately to fuel my body for this type of work. I will be continuing to strength train at the same time, so I need to be incredibly careful of what I am putting into my body and if it is enough to sustain me.
For the most part I don’t really believe in resolutions, but this time of year is a great time for reflection and looking towards future goals. I have proven to myself that I am capable of great changes in habits and I have no desire to see myself return to a state in which I was severely unhappy. So I have to plan and execute well. 2024 will be a good physical challenge for me.
Secondhand Thoughts 